Here I am, another day trying to find the energy to write. I really have nothing to complain about. I know I am blessed and I am thankful for each one of my blessings. The truth is a month ago I was a lot worse. Even when I was at my lowest point I fully understood there are a lot worse positions I could be in. I can deal with my discomfort and pain, I can try to find solutions, I have the ability to try. In my weakest moments I focus on that. I will not let my frustrations make me loose sight of how bright my world is. I’ve realized, Life has a way of teaching you the lessons you need to learn.
Everyone has something and this is mine. I am strong enough to get through this. I am capable of fighting for myself. My eyes have really been open in the most beautiful way. I see all that I took advantage of, the things I didn’t recognize as a privilege. Everything has changed in my life.
I still get mad and will be consumed with guilt. Everyone has had to help around me, from my husband to my kids. It is daunting to think of being any type of burden to them. Here’s the thing, I am so very lucky. My support system is what gets me through everyday. The love I have received is overwhelming. To be completely transparent those who made me feel adversely I had to cutout or limit my interactions, this includes family. You really learn what and who matters. What to focus on and who to put your energy into. I have to focus on my circle of happy, I refuse to be negative. When I have energy I want to spend it on being happy, finding the happy, becoming happy.
Week by week things are getting better. I am finding strength within me I never knew existed. I have such a sincere appreciation for everyday. I know that this was the lesson I needed to learn. I needed to put value on LIVING not just being alive. I’ve grown, I became a person that loves themselves. I would never take any of these difficulties back because I can finally look at myself and say I love you.
It’s sad. For a really long time I struggled with the ability to have confidence and be okay with who I was. Saying I love you was such a foreign concept to me. I couldn’t see what there was to love. Then I got sick. I had to fight for myself, I had to find a way to love me, who else could do it if not me? I gained an appreciation for who I am and I realized I’m not so bad. I am actually pretty awesome!
I accepted my limitations and flaws. I began to focus on my strengths and what makes me beautiful. I love me– for my flaws, my quirks, for all of me. Sometimes it’s hard to find that love. To look at yourself in the mirror and say I love you. I don’t think I could get through this if I didn’t feel that. My lesson was loving me and appreciating my ability to live. What would yours be? Remember no matter what YOU ARE WORTH IT!