If you could take a moment, just a few minutes, to sit back and evaluate your life, do you think you could be completely honest with yourself? For there not to be a life-changing circumstance to give you perspective, just for you to have the will to look deeper and analyze if you’re living your happiest life?
It took me a long time to get here. I’d say my entire lifetime. To see who I am, accept it, and love me without apology, or the need to please others. I’m not saying I live in a way to push others away but more so, I live my happy. If I feel like it’s not conducive for me or my family I do not feel the need to but a part of it. I am more focused on my wants, my needs. It was a long twisty road to get here but I’d travel it all over again.
At times, I wish I didn’t have to experience some of the things I did in order to figure all this out, although, I know they are the reason why I am able to write this. The truth is, all I have gone through has made me a heck of a lot stronger. My perspective has been shaped in such a beautiful way. I don’t think it would ever be possible with out all the twist and turns.
For a long long lonnnngggg time I felt the need to prove myself. To my parents, to my family, to people I barely knew, and sadly I left out myself. I thought Oh, they will see my worth. They will see I don’t need them. They will see…..
No matter what I did though, I still wasn’t happy. I was the BEST mom, I was the BEST wife, I was the BEST friend, I was the BEST sister, I was the BEST daughter, I was the BEST….me? I forgot all about me. I was so focused on finding my acceptance through others, I thought would validate me, I forgot about me. In the end, I broke me.
I tumbled down the rabbit hole of being lost, feeling useless, not recognizing myself. Because if I wasn’t the best for other people how could I even care about me? My thoughts on what made me lovable were so warped. I didn’t even think to love me. That I needed to love me in order to be loved and love others fully.
I wore a mask of strength and I wore it fiercely. I only could hope nobody would see the insecure little girl I really felt I was.
Then, it happened. Like a ton of bricks fell on me making me incapable of moving. I was forced to take a moment, (or several consecutive months) sit back, and evaluate my life. It honestly felt like I was facing down a huge storm that only I could calm. I didn’t even know if I could or where I would start. All I did know is I needed to figure it out for me and my family, but for once mostly for me.
I had to learn to be selfish, to say no, and to pull away from the toxicity in my life. I learned to be alone and focus on myself. For me, I needed a life-changing circumstance to wake me up. To make me say HEY!! YOU’RE WORTH IT!
Years ago I would scoff I the mere thought of me blogging and actually publishing this lengthy post. I’d think why!? Who would read it, what would be the benefit?? But the reason why is simple, it for me. It’s my happy.
So, I guess this post is about you doing the same. If you’re already there GREAT! For everyone else, you’re not alone. Without the events that took place in my life I am unsure if I would of ever gained the insight I desperately needed to wake up and choose to create the life I want to live.
We ALL have our stories but not all of us hear our wake up call to find our happy. If there is anything I have learned is we one get this one life, there is no time to look back with regret, it’s all about forward movement. What can you do NOW that will improve your life and how YOU feel about you? I am ready to let go of the burdens of my past on focus on my future, on what is next, toward what is my happy.
***Please be kind, written freehand with limited edits. Thank you!***