To My Husband, I Know This Isn’t Easy

To My Husband, I Know This Isn’t Easy

I’m not surprised, I know it’s hard to deal with this. This beast. It’s taken over our lives. There are ups and downs, small wins with lots of trying to comprehend what is going on with my body. It would be hard on anyone, but he has been my rock. Everyone has their breaking point, where it all just seems to be overwhelming.  I’ve had to lean on people more than I ever have my entire adult life. But he, he has been incredible. As soon as he realized the depth of my pain and discomfort he has been my shield. He has been my warmth, he has been my everything. 

We’ve always had an amazing relationship. From the moment we met sparks flew. I was in denial for a good while but he is surely the one person I need most in this world. He has been my anchor, my best friend, my entire being.

I often have a waves of guilt, feeling like this isn’t what he signed up for. I get lost in my own thoughts a lot of time, thinking this isn’t how it was meant to be. For him, for me. I place a huge amount of blame on myself. Maybe if I was stronger, or if I could figure this out on my own- then I wouldn’t stress him. I feel like such a burden although he reassures me I am not, I know this is all consuming.

I saw our love story so different. I thought I’d be able to love him vigorously without any limitations. I am not who I was. I feel weak, not just physically but for the first time I feel it mentally as well. All of me has been attacked.

All I need is for him to know I love him, that I appreciate all he does, and I know this isn’t easy. I feel it in my bones, in my mind…in my heart. The comfort of unconditional love he has provided me has been more than I could of ever hoped for. The love of my life is truly my rock. He is protective and caring, he is warm and loving, I am the luckiest woman in the world. I can only hope he knows I feel the extent of his love.

You’re always told marriage will have its obstacles, your told to always put each other first and love without conditions. We honestly never expected this and even with a curve ball thrown I have seen a side of him that has made me fall deeper in love, I didn’t even know that was possible… to love him more. I loved him before I even knew what love was, he’s shown me beauty and has challenged me in every way I can think of…in the best ways. 

I just want to say thank you. I am so honored you choose me. With my flaws you still love me, with my illness you still love ME, with everything you still love me. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a great love but I will forever hold it tight.

I love you

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Written freehand with limited edits. Please be kind. Thank you***

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