The Many Faces of Chronic Illness

The Many Faces of Chronic Illness

People who suffer from chronic pain often have many faces they portray. As much as we don’t want chronic illness to dictate our life, it does. From what our daily plans are to how we interact with others. There’s so many feelings that come with the chaos of never-ending pain. Sometimes I am able to hold it all together and other times there is no way to hide it. When I was thinking about this I realized there are several faces of chronic illness. I think many of us dealing with Lupus, Ehlers Danlos, Fibromyalgia and other illnesses can agree that there’s never a day that we don’t feel one of these ways.

Lupus, EDS, & Fibro  changed everything. Here are some of the faces I wear:

  • The faking it ’till I make it face
  • The WTF is this now face
  • The I’m too tired to move face
  • The everything hurts face
  • The do they really get it face
  • The I’m NOT crazy face
  • The damn! another Dr’s visit face
  • The will I ever function face
  • The I’m trying to positive although I feel like sh*t face
  • The shut up…leave me alone face
  • The will I ever wake up not in pain face
  • The I wish I could be more help face
  • The smile through the pain face
  • The I’ll do it anyway and pay for it later face
  • The I hope they can’t tell how much I’m hurting face
  • The I’m jealous you’re abled-bodied face
  • The I’d give anything to dance, run, jump, walk face
  • The I’m going to get through this face
  • The I am determined to get better face
  • The thank you for loving me at my most vulnerable face

I know this list can come off as pessimistic or negative but it is our reality. As much a we would like to focus on the good there are regular moments of despair. I get very frustrated and angry at my lack of control. Although I can reel myself back in and get to a positive place it doesn’t negate the many faces of chronic illness. The ups, downs, and in betweens cause many of us to feel crazy. Through it all we know tomorrow will be another day, and though we may be in pain, we will fight for our chance at that one good semi-pain free day.

 

 

***Written freehand with limited edits, Please be kind, Thank you***

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