Man, o man. There is nothing like going into the new year motivated and ready to attack your goals, but instead being knocked on your a** with the flu. I was actually improving with my health. My medications started to finally all work together and I was functioning. Not just the going through the motions functioning but actually moving, doing some things I wanted functioning. What is that saying? One step forward, two steps back… Naaahhh I am determined to not be in that mindset. I am sick, my body is aching, my joints are impossible, but I am not stopping. Nope, NOT happening!
Today, I finally met one of my New Year’s goals. I made my damn bed! I know it’s silly but that is a huge goal of mine. With all my pain and possible excuses I completed a simple task (actually complex for this body). The fact I did it while dealing with the flu is even more of a celebration for me. Lupus, Ehler Danlos, and all the stuff in between don’t mix well with the flu. Somehow, my super duper powers came through and I did it (insert me flexing my arm)! I can’t let this set me back too far. Don’t worry, I won’t set unrealistic expectations. I will stay in tune with my body.
I have actually been doing really well with my other goals. I have been getting out of the house more and I am steadily developing my business venture, Nix Essentials. Overall, I feel pretty proud of myself. I am control. WOW, that was weird to say. The past few years have been so out of control I thought I’d never feel like things were in order. With all I’ve been through I refuse to let the flu get me down. Maybe it’ll slow me down but it won’t keep me down. Let me echo what I said earlier: NOPE, not happening!
I don’t feel so desperate anymore. I have hope. There’s been a glimmer of improvement and I am running with it! A few months ago I wouldn’t believe you if you told me I would have this mindset, or be able to use my body again. What’s even more wonderful is my Doctor is still working on more improvements one step at a time. I can deal with a step at a time, as long as we are taking steps.
I am still dealing with daily pain. I think I will always have chronic pain. I will learn to deal and manage it. The beauty is I am beginning to feel like Lupus and Ehlers Danlos is not all that I am. I can do more, I can be more. Having the flu, as much as it hurts, put in perspective how far I have come. Being thrown back into this unbearable constant pain has oddly given me a boost in morale. As much as it scares me to feel intense pain again, I know I have made it out of the storm before and I can again. I never thought I’d say I am thankful for the flu, but this time (and just this time) I am.
I found the silver lining…
***Written freehand with limited edits, Please be Kind, Thank You***